The Friday Five: Canadian Edition
Five Questions answered by a mom somewhere in our great country Canada about her sex life.
I haven’t done much posting lately since I’ve had a deluge of family visits the past few weeks. But here is a great Friday Five edition for you.
This week’s contributor, H says this about herself:
I’ve been married for 15 years. I have two kids: a 10 year old girl and 8 year old boy. I lost my job in the spring, so I’m now taking courses to become a fitness trainer. I live in Canada 🙂
What’s the best thing about your sex life now?
The best thing about my sex life now is that it is uninhibited. It took me a LONG time to figure out how to do this (and some not-so-good choices), but the fact remains that it’s the best part. It has opened me up to being happy, creative, and looking for new adventures. I’m shocked at some of the things I LIKE!
How would you compare your sex life before kids with after kids?
It’s unusual now-a-days to marry a virgin, but my husband and I were both in this boat when we got married. It wasn’t amazing. I was insecure. Inhibited. And troubled with the lack of affection I was receiving now being translated into sex. I was quite disillusioned before we had kids. Kids provided a distraction from my feelings for a time, so it was less stressful. The pressure wasn’t on me all the time, I could find some relief from my inner distress and emotional questions I had but wasn’t acknowledging at the time.
What is the most important thing to you about your sexuality?
I would say that feeling beautiful and sexy is super important to me. Smelling good. Eating well Exercising to get the blood flowing are all parts of who I am that make me feel like a sexual being.
What does being a sexual mama mean to you?
I think it means that I have to LOCK THE DOOR!! Find something to occupy the kids for a time that will not include them having to ask questions. Usually it involves electronics, which is not my favorite thing for the kids to play with, but it is the only thing that seems to keep them from pounding on the door. It’s always worth it 🙂
Anything fun or exciting in your sex life you want to share? (I live vicariously.)
I have discovered costumes and role playing lately that are quite exciting. I’ve started a little collection of easy-to-pick-up pieces that I keep in a drawer waiting for inspiration. The “school girl” outfit is a fun one because I can just put on the clothes and pretend I’m young again and he’s a handsome teacher that needs to be seduced. I don’t think you have to spend a ton of money on costumes, but the “policewoman” arrived yesterday in the mail, and I can’t wait to arrest my husband…but I have to catch him doing something naughty first…
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Thank you so much H for participating in this week’s Friday Five. I love how creatively you have reinvented your sex life and feel MORE confident and sexy after kids.
Are YOU interested in participating? Shoot me an email at slofmoms@gmail.com.
TODAY IS YOUR LAST CHANCE TO ENTER THE GIVEAWAY. Don’t forget to send an email to slofmoms@gmail.com to enter the Sex Lives of Moms Bedroom Chemist Sex Kit Giveaway–you won’t want to miss your chance to get a fabulous, free, sexy kit to spice up your sex life.
The Friday Five: Second Edition
Five Questions answered by a mom somewhere in our great country about her sex life.
This week’s contributor Z, says this about herself:
I am a 39 year-old mom of a 1st grader, have been married for 10 years, work full-time outside the home and am currently relaxed after a great summer (we’ll see how long this lasts).
What’s the best thing about your sex life now?
I’m having more sex than I have in the last 6 years. OK, part of this is due to the fact that we’ve been trying to get pregnant, so there are no annoying condoms to deal with and it’s really revived our motivation. My husband and I are talking more openly about our sex life and our wants and needs, which is refreshing and liberating. It also makes me feel closer to him to share these intimate thoughts, so it’s good for our marriage.
How would you compare your sex life before kids with after kids?
Before: fine
After: improving…at the moment GOOD!
Oh, and good lube is key. I really like Please lubricant by Good Vibrations.
What is the most important thing to you about your sexuality?
Hmmm. Not sure… empowerment? monogamous fulfillment? The knowledge that there are ups and downs in my sex life, just like every other part of my life. It can always get better.
What does being a sexual mama mean to you?
It means striving for a healthy balance of time, energy, giving and getting in my home life and family relationships. It means sometimes struggling for alone-time with my husband, even when it would be easier not to. This is a lot to achieve for me sometimes, but I’m learning to make this a priority. Now, if I could only get him to call a babysitter and set up a date on his own!
Anything fun or exciting in your sex life you want to share? (I live vicariously.)
For the first time in my life, I own a vibrator and I LOVE IT! It’s the best investment I’ve made in ME in awhile. Whether I use it alone or with my husband, it spices things up. I highly recommend exploring this option if you haven’t. Check out the Hitachi Magic Wand Massager
. It is amazing!
.
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Thank you so much Z for participating in this week’s Friday Five!
Readers, what questions would you like to see in the Friday Five? Post them as comments and you might see them in next week’s edition.
Are YOU interested in participating? Shoot me an email at slofmoms@gmail.com.
And don’t forget to send an email to slofmoms@gmail.com to enter the Sex Lives of Moms Bedroom Chemist Sex Kit Giveaway–you won’t want to miss your chance to get a fabulous, free, sexy kit to spice up your sex life.
Search terms that may have brought you to my blog
As you might imagine, having a blog title with the words mom and sex in it brings many Google searchers who may arrive at my blog expecting something else–of a much more explicit nature.
My apologies if you came here hoping for porn only to find a blog on how feeling sexy after kids can be so hard! (no pun intended–hyuck, hyuck).
About a month ago, over at Nice Girls Like Sex Too, I saw a funny post about the search terms that bring people to her blog. It inspired me to do something similar.
Here are some of them:
The Randoms
Sex in the bed
I’m curious about why the topic of having sex in a bed required information from a Google search. And I am VERY curious about WHERE this person has been having sex all along.
lousy sex after vasectomy
Shucks man, that sucks. Sorry!
orgasm during brazilian wax?
Are you kidding me? Does this happen to anyone?!?
learning to masturbate
Excellent topic to get information on. If however, you are a thirteen year old boy–my apologies if you just found yourself reading my blog on sex for moms, it may have eliminated any desire for masturbation for awhile. But don’t worry, it will return quickly. And the best of luck to you!
should I get a brazilian wax before vasectomy?
Holy shit! Ouch and ouch.
any women have an orgasm during brazilian wax?
Okay, seriously? These must be men doing these searches.
feeling sexy again blog
Oh! I’m so glad this search brought you here.
sex famely
I’m assuming you meant family? Or maybe you meant famously? If so, next time use the search terms: Kim Kardashian sex tape (ooh, I bet just writing her name will give me a big traffic bump!)
pump for the clitoris pictures
I’d like to see these pictures too. Though I’m scared to. Does this exist? Sounds painful.
sex toon
I have no advice on this one. We’re mostly a Dora and Transformers household here.
sex in the ded
Last Dance with Mary Jane?
Mama having great sex
Good for you!
The Is it okay for SAHM to masturbate? searches (Answer, YES!)
do stay at home moms masturbate?
Yes.
do stay at home moms wank more
My favorite! (Mostly because of the awesomeness of the word wank.) And I’m curious about the answer, but I’d venture to say yes? Just because it’s hard to wank at work if your work is at an office outside of your home.
moms who stay at home and masturbate
Welcome to the club.
The Horny Co-Sleeping Parent Searches (Yes, you will someday have sex again)
sex in the family bed
sex family
sex in bed near a child
sexual family bed
“family bed” sex uninhibited
mums sex with others in bed room
sex in bed with sleeping infants
http://www.sex in the family.com
Is it bad to have sex next to my sleeping child?
If they’re babies, no. If they’re older, not as long as you’re damn sure they won’t wake up. The question is: Can you really relax and enjoy sex if you are stressed about this? My advice if your kid is asleep in your bed? Kitchen counters.
General Sex Searches
what do you call great sex?
You just know, my friend.
telling kids about sex orgasm
A good talk to have.
the brazilian wax feminism sensation
What’s the sensation? The wax or the feminism?
Talking to my daughter about masturbation
Again, an excellent conversation to have.
http://www.romanticfeelingsexywatching.com
An interesting mix of terms here that I would search for myself just to see if you are on to something I should know about, but I’m scared of getting a computer virus.
vasectomy bdsm
Never knew about this. Is getting the vasectomy part of the BDSM?
children hearing orgasm
That was probably embarrassing. It happens, move on.
roller derby 90 day challenge
Not sure if getting your mojo back is part of the challenge, but it should be.
all off moms sex
I have no idea what this means but it sounds diiirrrrty.
vacation sex
Yes!
sex rollerderby
Not at my practices.
monogamish rules
Try Dan Savage.
third simester pregnant “high libido”
College co-ed?
mama having great sex
This search is to the point—and good for you!
moms sex vacation
Is there a particular cruise line or resort where this is available?
The Creepy Searches
All I’m going to say about these next search terms, is that the key is in the context. Which I know nothing of. (I just REALLY hope the mother in these searches is the baby mama and not your mama mama.)
sexual desire with mom
sex relationship with mother
destire moms sex
inevitable sex with mom
The Friday Five: First Edition
Welcome to Sex Lives of Moms first edition of the Friday Five: Five Questions answered by a mom somewhere in our great country about her sex life.
This week’s contributor, L describes herself as:
A thirty-six year old mom of two, a 6-year-old and 21-month-old. I was a professional student (seriously how many partial degrees can one have?) and now am a part-time book seller/ full time stay-at-home-mom.
How would you describe your sex life after kids?
Catch-where-catch-can.
What’s been your biggest sexual challenge since becoming a mom?
Doing it with the lights on (not there yet.)
On the one hand, I am so proud of my body which grew and successfully bore two gorgeous, healthy kids and continues to feed one; on the other, why does my stomach STILL look like that!? It is hard to look in the mirror and LOVE all the sag and veins and stretch marks. How could hubs?
What is the most important thing to you about your sexuality?
This is kinda like asking me what is the most important thing to me about Mount St. Helens. They’re both dormant at the moment. Doesn’t mean she’ll never blow, but, well, right now our focus is elsewhere.
What does being a sexual mama mean to you?
Being a sexual mama means recognizing that the only thing constant is change. Being a mom doesn’t mean I don’t get horny. But, by 10 o’clock, I am toast, I just want to watch Storage Wars and go to bed. Accepting where I am and not doing it for the sake of doing it. So yes, I need to smell the cooking to realize I am hungry. So woo me.
Also, really DO NOT TOUCH MY TITS. They are working right now and need to be respected, like a seeing-eye dog.
What’s the best thing about your sex life now?
The best thing about my sex life is that I have one, it exists. This last year has been really tough with a recent move, traveling hubs that breeds resentment like bunnies, and trying to find my place in my new town Eugene, OR, and in the world at large.
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Thank you so much L for participating in this week’s Friday Five and for your thoughtful answers.
Readers, what questions would you like to see in the Friday Five? Post them as comments and you might see them in next week’s edition.
Are YOU interested in participating? Shoot me an email at slofmoms@gmail.com.
Also, don’t forget to sign-up for Sex Lives of Moms Bedroom Chemist Sex Kit Giveaway–don’t miss out on your chance to get a fabulous, free, sexy kit to spice up your sex life.
Running with Kegels?
I went for a run today (my first in a LONG time) and I had to stop to pee in a bush because of all the drippety droppety leaking that was going on. I didn’t even have a full bladder. It’s hard enough staying in shape–now more Kegels too?! #Isthereanappforthat? #Outofshapevagina #AndIdidn’twantac-section?
Why I love my job.
I talk to moms about sex. It’s my job. So, I love the inevitable conversations I get to have with perfect strangers as well as with friends and family about what I do. Case in point:
I went to get my hair cut today. It was a new salon and the stylist was a woman I had never met before.
She wrapped a warm towel around my neck and started the customary chit-chat as I leaned back in my chair.
“So, do you stay home with your kids?” she asked.
“Yes, and I work part-time from home.” I answered.
“What do you do?”
“Well, I’m writing a book.”
“Really? About what?”
I took a deep breath, preparing myself for the long, pregnant pause that would inevitably come after I tell her.
“I’m writing about how moms re-define their sexuality after kids.”
Long pregnant pause.
“Oh! Now I’m blushing!” She giggled and then spent the next hour telling me all about her own sex life. Even though it was a salon and sex talk is no uncommon thing, I’m sure; she whispered the parts she didn’t want anyone to overhear and used letters for words she didn’t want to say out loud.
Here it is:
I didn’t know a thing about [stage whisper] SEX for years. You know, I had boyfriends and my husband wasn’t my first, but I didn’t even do M (masturbate), or have an O (you know this one, right?) until after my kids were born, can you believe it! And then once I did have it I knew what I’d been missing that whole time. It was a renaissance in our marriage.
You know how everyone’s kids walk in on them? Well, one time in the middle of IT, I turned around and there was my son, all big eyes watching. And he says, “ Mommy why are bouncing around on top of Daddy? Huh?” We STILL tell that story.
Now that they’re teenagers they neither notice nor care if we disappear for some alone time. But when they were little we would have to tell them we were going to our room for some alone time and that we didn’t want to be interrupted.
Well, the oldest didn’t like being left out of anything–she was probably five–and she jimmied the lock and walked in and took a long look around the room and said, “I want to light candles and get naked and have family time TOO!”
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I laughed so hard at that one that I sprayed the water I was drinking all over the mirror.
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And one time we had [stage whisper] sex on the rug in front of the fireplace after the kids were in bed and we left a toy downstairs and it got lost in the couch cushions and my daughter found it and said, “Daddy, what’s this?” and I swear to God he almost died of embarassment. He told her it was a computer battery.
But I wish I’d known about toys sooner, they were instrumental in having [whisper] the O, and they make all the difference in the world! I just still can’t believe I didn’t orgasm until I was in my thirties!!
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I have the best job.
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Don’t forget to sign up for a chance to win the Bedroom Chemist sex kit giveaway if you haven’t yet!!
How roller derby saved my sex life.
The process of reclaiming my sexuality after having kids has been a long, arduous one. It’s taken me years to figure out that I first needed to recover my identity as a woman, and as myself–beyond that of mommy or wife. I tried to do this through activities that kept me busy: book clubs, blogging, writing, reading, volunteering, karaoke, running, painting, and nights out with my girlfriends. All of these are activities that I love and strive to do regularly and often, but they haven’t been enough.
As a stay-at-home-mom I’ve struggled at finding the sweet spot between maintaining my own sense of self amidst the intense demands of being home with two little ones. I know many moms, those who work from home, and those who work outside the home, struggle with similar issues.
But the feeling that I had lost myself was overwhelming, depressing, and made me feel resentful. I’ve resented that my husband has a career while I’m still figuring out how to get started, I’ve resented being home all day, I’ve resented just about anything and everything. And none of this helped our sex life.
What’s saved me is roller derby.
Skating for hours at a time with a group of kick-ass women who encourage and inspire me to push myself harder, to sweat until it runs like a river down my neck (and make my protective gear STINK), and to take risks that make me feel like a teenager again, has done more in seven months to help me find myself again, than years of book clubs, groups I joined, volunteer jobs, and all the things I did to have an identity outside of my home. I can’t put my finger on exactly why, but the sheer exhiliration of skating, and hitting, and getting through a pack of women hell-bent on taking you out—has been visceral.
And it’s helped my sex life.
I feel powerful, I feel sexy, I even think my bruises are sexy. And so does my husband.
Before derby, I would’ve whined or complained about a bruise. Now I’ll strip down to my skivvies and show off the bruises on my hips or thighs. (Maybe we are the inventors of a new realm of kink, the post-derby-hematoma-sado-masochism–because I fully admit, doing derby is both sadistic and masochistic–and it’s awesome!)
I know derby isn’t everyone’s path to finding yourself or reclaiming your sexuality, but it is so easy for those things to get lost in the shuffle when you are mom of young kids. What’s your journey been like? What’s helped you? Are you a derby girl too?
I’m constantly reinventing my approach, but in the meantime–derby does the trick.
Those sweet rides at the top of the page look a lot like mine. And don’t forget to check out the Bedroom Chemist sex kit giveaway if you haven’t yet.
Sex Lives of Moms “Bedroom Chemist™Kit” Giveaway
Looking for ways to spice up your sex-life? I have one more spectacular, sexy kit from Bedroom Chemist to giveaway full of all kinds of goodies to spark anyone’s bedroom play. With products and toys to enhance desire, foreplay, and intimacy, this woman-owned company will help you break bedroom boredom (and was recently featured on the Today show). You can read my review of our first Bedroom Chemist kit here.
While on vacation we used our second kit, the Great Sex kit. We were excited to open up a new one (with extra heated anticipation given our enjoyment of our first kit) and I loved the discreet portability of the adorable pink lipstick vibe (it looks like a tube of lipstick) that I toted around in my makeup bag. There was an edible body powder– yum! And a fun book with great ideas for sexy dates. Plus lots of little extras.
I’m telling you; these kits are fun, they add a layer of expectation and excitement (I mean, how often do you get to open up a secret sex present together?), and each one is different.
To enter for a chance to win, send me an email to slofmoms@gmail.com with Bedroom Chemist Giveaway in the subject line.
So end your summer on a high-note by entering to win this giveaway.
You must be 18 or older to enter. You can see the complete rules here.
Life
It already seems like it’s been a year since I was on vacation having lovely vacation sex with my husband, instead of just a few weeks ago. The day we returned home –to a joyous reunion with our kids–was also the day we went our separate ways again. We’ve had a rotating schedule of family visiting us most of the summer. And between our visitors and our normal daily activities (twice weekly sanity-saving roller derby workouts for this mom give us less time together at night), we are back to our regular tag-team marathons where days can go by without us checking in and conversing, much less being physically intimate.
Seriously, forget sex. Just some kissing would be nice.
Life sucks. Not really, but I hate feeling like I’m my husband’s roommate instead of his partner and lover. And it’s very easy to feel that way when you have two little ones at home, and opposite schedules. And opposite schedules mean that when he feels up for it, I absolutely do not. (This feeling is not mutual.)
We took advantage of my aunt’s visit and went for a walk last night after the kids were in bed. It felt like I hadn’t seen him in weeks, even though I’ve seen him everyday. It was the first time we’d talked about more than the kids, or dinner, or bills–or that we’d spent time together–since we got back from vacation. I felt the emotional connection to him that I’d been missing.
So we made out in a dark corner like teenagers. It was nice.
What things in your life make emotional connections with your partner difficult? What do you do to reclaim intimacy when life gets in the way?
sexlivesofmoms 