Search terms that may have brought you to my blog

As you might imagine, having a blog title with the words mom and sex in it brings many Google searchers who may arrive at my blog expecting something else–of a much more explicit nature.

My apologies if you came here hoping for porn only to find a blog on how feeling sexy after kids can be so hard! (no pun intended–hyuck, hyuck).

About a month ago, over at Nice Girls Like Sex Too, I saw a funny post about the search terms that bring people to her blog. It inspired me to do something similar.

Here are some of them:

The Randoms

Sex in the bed

I’m curious about why the topic of having sex in a bed required information from a Google search. And I am VERY curious about WHERE this person has been having sex all along.

lousy sex after vasectomy

Shucks man, that sucks. Sorry!

orgasm during brazilian wax?

Are you kidding me? Does this happen to anyone?!?

learning to masturbate

Excellent topic to get information on. If however, you are a thirteen year old boy–my apologies if you just found yourself reading my blog on sex for moms, it may have eliminated any desire for masturbation for awhile. But don’t worry, it will return quickly. And the best of luck to you!

should I get a brazilian wax before vasectomy?

Holy shit! Ouch and ouch.

any women have an orgasm during brazilian wax?

Okay, seriously? These must be men doing these searches.

feeling sexy again blog

Oh! I’m so glad this search brought you here.

sex famely

I’m assuming you meant family? Or maybe you meant famously? If so, next time use the search terms: Kim Kardashian sex tape (ooh, I bet just writing her name will give me a big traffic bump!)

pump for the clitoris pictures

I’d like to see these pictures too. Though I’m scared to. Does this exist? Sounds painful.

sex toon

I have no advice on this one. We’re mostly a Dora and Transformers household here.

sex in the ded

Last Dance with Mary Jane?

Mama having great sex

Good for you!

The Is it okay for SAHM to masturbate? searches (Answer, YES!)

do stay at home moms masturbate?

Yes.

do stay at home moms wank more

My favorite! (Mostly because of the awesomeness of the word wank.) And I’m curious about the answer, but I’d venture to say yes? Just because it’s hard to wank at work if your work is at an office outside of your home.

moms who stay at home and masturbate

Welcome to the club.

The Horny Co-Sleeping Parent Searches (Yes, you will someday have sex again)

sex in the family bed

sex family

sex in bed near a child

sexual family bed

“family bed” sex uninhibited

mums sex with others in bed room

sex in bed with sleeping infants

http://www.sex in the family.com

Is it bad to have sex next to my sleeping child?

If they’re babies, no. If they’re older, not as long as you’re damn sure they won’t wake up. The question is: Can you really relax and enjoy sex if you are stressed about this? My advice if your kid is asleep in your bed? Kitchen counters.

General Sex Searches

what do you call great sex?

You just know, my friend.

telling kids about sex orgasm

A good talk to have.

the brazilian wax feminism sensation

What’s the sensation? The wax or the feminism?

Talking to my daughter about masturbation

Again, an excellent conversation to have.

http://www.romanticfeelingsexywatching.com

An interesting mix of terms here that I would search for myself just to see if you are on to something I should know about, but I’m scared of getting a computer virus.

vasectomy bdsm

Never knew about this. Is getting the vasectomy part of the BDSM?

children hearing orgasm

That was probably embarrassing. It happens, move on.

roller derby 90 day challenge

Not sure if getting your mojo back is part of the challenge, but it should be.

all off moms sex

I have no idea what this means but it sounds diiirrrrty.

vacation sex

Yes!

sex rollerderby

Not at my practices.

monogamish rules

Try Dan Savage.

third simester pregnant “high libido”

College co-ed?

mama having great sex

This search is to the point—and good for you!

moms sex vacation

Is there a particular cruise line or resort where this is available?

The Creepy Searches

All I’m going to say about these next search terms, is that the key is in the context. Which I know nothing of. (I just REALLY hope the mother in these searches is the baby mama and not your mama mama.)

sexual desire with mom

sex relationship with mother

destire moms sex

inevitable sex with mom

Getting Back on Top

I am so pleased to introduce Sex Lives of Moms’ very first guest blogger, Mama Natrix.

————————————————————————————————————————-

I had discovered my attraction to kink long before I met my partner. I enjoyed being a top (go here for the formal definition), especially to men for whom the concept of bondage was mere fantasy. Blindfolding a man and slowly having my sensual way with his body made me feel sexy and uninhibited. Perhaps it was the last vestige of “pretend play” I indulged in as an adult.

Pregnancy changed everything.

I was enormous in that way where I looked more obese than pregnant. No amount of blindfolds could make me feel hot. My goody-two-shoes hormones were ratcheted up full speed ahead and being the perfect mom (as seen on TV, don’t try this at home) was now my life’s goal. My BDSM hobby was tossed out the window along with smoking pot, drinking myself silly, clove cigarettes, and swearing like a stand-up comedian. Even our off-the-curb furniture was not good enough for my future spawn.

I tried. I succeeded for the first three years, I swear, but as they say, you can only hold in your stomach for so long.

After all, breastfeeding was over. My son left the “family bed” for his own twin with dinosaur sheets and started preschool. My husband got a vasectomy for my birthday and sex was back on.

Still, it didn’t feel right, at least as right as I’d remembered it all. How can you still be a top when your bottom has seen you laboring naked (for some reason I rejected the proffered gown while I birthed) and screaming in pain that you feel like you have to take a shit but nothing is coming out? And then really taking that shit during a particularly bone-crushing push?

It took laughter.

It took lots and lots and lots of laughter to get us through those early attempts at feeling sexy together. Why take it all so seriously? What is the fun in that? I’m not Angelina Jolie and my partner is sure not Brad Pitt. Nobody’s watching. Laughing until your eyes tear up is better than orgasm…well sometimes anyway.

To be clear, we haven’t got it figured out yet. But what we’ve got so far makes me realize I need sex play and (lots of) intercourse to be a happy, balanced person as much as I need Prozac. Maybe even more. But that’s a topic for another post.